Calvkin
| Calvkin he / him | |
|---|---|
| |
| Aliases | cockvin calkvin calvin cool funny guy |
| Occupation | Bald |
| Species | Nutsack |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 5'9 (5'11 with shoes) |
| age | 19 |
| Weight | 128lbs |
| Eyes | blue |
| status | cock |
"My Spine! My Spine! My Spine!" — calkvin"If i had a vagina......uhmmm...............wait....."
— calkvin
Personal Life
Calkvin was born on December 15th, 2002 at Wheatland Memorial Hospital in Harlowton, Montana. During his adolescence, he was maybe bald, we don't know. His first words were reported to be "burger". Upon hearing this, his family would echo the sentiment, traveling approximately 1,317 miles to nearby Bakersfield, California just to get Calkvin some In-n-Out burger. In-n-Out was facing a meat shortage around this time, causing his family to pivot and get Wendy's instead, but they only had chicken. Calkvin first installed malware on the family computer at the age of 7, but totally forgot this fact. Roughly 12 years later he would repeat history during his 2026 malware incident, early reports from Fox Business indicate he is doomed to make the same mistake as of April 2026.[1] Calkvin first trademarked his famous catchphrase "alright" and "okay" in the Dallas Fort Worth International Airport on some day in 2020, the origin comes from his disagreement with a TSA officer after they found a sandwich of abnormal size that he was wearing as a glove with his mayo smeared hands, some mustard on it too. As of May 2026, Calkvin is currently living on the east coast of the United States of America, it is theorized he is the current cyrptocurrency contributor for the Mudville Flats Boutique Hotel.
CALKVIN
dumb idiot howard spelt my name wrong. he will be hung.
About
Fart smella or smart fella. U decide
stinky and irredeemably stenchy
NOT GAY
Known for his extraordinary talent at being humorous and charming
Eats shit
Is in a very very serious poly relationship with miserable
Best Friends with Daniel
Also is not gay
Also wins against howard in chess everytime
Mentioned
Calkvin was the one who exposed softybun for being a twerp and had him removed from the server. Fortifying his aura status in the server.
Calkvin was also mentioned in the widescreen monitor saga
Accusations
Calkvin does NOT have a vagina
Calkvin is NOT gay
Calkvin IS the greatest musical mind of all time
Calkvin NO VAGINA NO VAGINA NO VAGINA
NO VAGINA NO VAGINA NO VAGINA
NO VAGINA NO VAGINA NO VAGINA
NO VAGINA NO VAGINA NO VAGINA
NO VAGINA NO VAGINA NO VAGINA
novagina
I DO NOT HAVE CLITORIS
I DONT HAVE A VULVA
I DONT HAVE LABIA
I DONT HAVE A CERVIX
I DO NOT HAVE ARMS
I DONT HAVE EYES
I DONT HAVE LEGS
I DONT HAVE EARS
I DONT HAVE A PENIS
I DONT HAVE A BUTT
I DONT HAVE A FOOT
I have my left one
I DO HAVE A FETISH.COM [2]ACCOUNT
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVEnOPBx4j8
- ↑ fetish.com
I WAS NOT BORN IN PENNSYLVANIA
CALKVIN ISNT A CUCK
Favorite Things
Chicfila
not having a vagina or penis
anomalistic
facelift deformation
myself
tortas
being nice
tiffany geekbar
fetish.com[1]
being unemployed
having 30 bucks to my name
having a vagina
extensive contributions to major corporations like nestle
i love love
I
Where Calkvins aura Came froM
it evolved in his saggy hairy minge
無線廣東話陰道
no one knows why.... it just does.....
some say his wireless cantonese vagina sends out aura pulses throughout the observable universe;
Site Errors; on Calkvins WikiPage
Calkvin cant burp
yea
Tajikistan
Tajikistan
vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina
everyday i penetrate myself with a iphone 6s sometimes i switch it up and use a old saturn console.
fun facts about calkvin
calvin likes to swing on swings
calvin enjoys eating food
calvin likes newports, marlboro golds, camel crushes
calvin has done approximately 7 mind altering substances
calvin enjoys long walks on the beach like every other burger nut on those dating sites
calvin hears british voices in his head that never seem to shut up.... like ever
one of them sounds like an obese muppet that can only be used by Tom Stoltman. no one else can bear the weight
now theres an australian one.... please save me from this toremnt god help me please god oh jesus please the pain is awful
now they are glazing eachother jesus this is worse than the time i went to new jersey
sometimes at night i secretly sneak off to do butt-stuff with my neighbor
i want to clarify that the neighbor does not have a penis
am i taking or am i doing the taking? we will never know.
make a poll if u see this!
vagina
minge
pussy
cunt
box
fanny
beaver
twat
punani
vag
my naughty taco
grand canyon
vaginer
pink bits
fish lips
bush
foo foo
coin slot
cooch
chochie
front hole
brith canal
doos doos
cordians and flourdians
hey babe. show me that birth canal.
hey boy show me that weiner
which one would you consider is more sexually advancing? 1?or 2?
leave a comment down below!